its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
