i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Houston, we have a blender
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
