I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
