just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
