Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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