I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
