speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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