11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
