My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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