I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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