Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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