i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
