i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
