Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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