Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
