the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
