Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
