No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
