Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
