oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize