The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
