the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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