the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
