He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
