Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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