she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
