gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
