Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize