Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize