I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
