We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
