can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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