I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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