I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
