Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
