Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
