Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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