i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
false alarm. still invincible.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
