Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
