Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
