So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
