I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
