the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so let's talk penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
