i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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