i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
