I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
