He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
