She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
