I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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