so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
