Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
