So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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