i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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