dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
