I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
