he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
