I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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