ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
