i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
