Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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