They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
