Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
