you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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