if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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