Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
