Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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