Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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