once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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