the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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