The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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