I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
