I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
