i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
